Losses

Since I've been here to visit with you, I have faced a lot of losses. Losses are hard things. Hard on your mental capacities. Hard on you physically.

Hard on your heart.
Mine is currently broken.

The most horrific loss I have endured is the passing of my precious daddy. I have watched him battle cancer for the past seven months. In spite of all the disappointments along the way, I feel blessed to have been able to watch him blossom spiritually.

Indeed, he was the perfect embodiment of 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. "So we do not give up. Our physical body is becoming older and weaker, but our spirit inside us is made new everyday. We have small troubles for a while now, but they are helping us gain an eternal glory that is much greater than the troubles. We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see. What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever."

Yes, my daddy stayed focused on the unseen. He didn't see the weakening effects of the chemotherapy. He never discussed the pain he must have endured. He actually enjoyed his newly discovered, bald, perfectly-round head. He looked forward to witnessing to every person he encountered with each hospital and doctor's visit. He was a beacon of light for his church family. He continued to care for those around him and to meet every need that he was capable of. He saw a bright future for himself. He made sure those he loved saw it too.

On July 1, 2009, he spent the day going in and out of consciousness. When he was alert, he spoke about what a beautiful family we were. He joked around with the grand kids. He repeatedly expressed his pride and joy in each of us. He smiled as long as he was physically able to do so. He questioned our sad countenance. He grasped hands and hearts with every ounce of love in his being. He made positively sure we knew how deeply he cared for each one of us.

Hours later, as each breath became a struggle so intense, I could bare to watch no longer, I heeded God's leading within my spirit and let my daddy go. I had encouraged him to fight for the past few months. Somehow, I now knew the fight was over. I leaned to his ear and spoke how proud I was of him. How he had been the best father a girl could ever have wished for. How he had fought a good fight. Most of all, how he WAS receiving the healing we had all so earnestly prayed for. I gave him my blessing on taking that healing and joining his Creator in the land of his reward. Hardest of all, I kissed him, and spoke the words "I love you, daddy" one last time.

Early in the morning on July 2, 2009, as I laid across my daddy's chest in his hospital bed, I literally felt him embark on his new journey. A strange peace overcame me as I became so intensely aware of his passing over. I knew in my heart that He was in the presence of our God.

Finally, those unseen things that My daddy had stayed focused on were in his line of vision! He had finished the race with flying colors! He was at the feet of Jesus and, without a doubt, in total awe of his new dwelling place! As the song says, "I can only imagine"!!!!!

I miss him terribly. Not a day goes by that I don't shed some tears. My heart is still broken. Maybe it always will be. I don't know. But, I do know that I have been blessed beyond measure with a wonderful family. I am going to live each day to it's fullest. I am going to enjoy my life and all God has given me stewardship over. I am going to follow my daddy's lead and invest in the lives of those around me every chance I get. And, above all, I hope to honor and please my God with every decision, every breath, and every move I make.

You know, losses only leave room for gain. Losses should never be counted or measured. Only faith. May your faith be multiplied. I know mine certainly has been.

Thank You God, for my Daddy's life. And, thank you Daddy, for showing me God in the most vivid ways possible.


Love and Blessings,
Starr