Losses

Since I've been here to visit with you, I have faced a lot of losses. Losses are hard things. Hard on your mental capacities. Hard on you physically.

Hard on your heart.
Mine is currently broken.

The most horrific loss I have endured is the passing of my precious daddy. I have watched him battle cancer for the past seven months. In spite of all the disappointments along the way, I feel blessed to have been able to watch him blossom spiritually.

Indeed, he was the perfect embodiment of 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. "So we do not give up. Our physical body is becoming older and weaker, but our spirit inside us is made new everyday. We have small troubles for a while now, but they are helping us gain an eternal glory that is much greater than the troubles. We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see. What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever."

Yes, my daddy stayed focused on the unseen. He didn't see the weakening effects of the chemotherapy. He never discussed the pain he must have endured. He actually enjoyed his newly discovered, bald, perfectly-round head. He looked forward to witnessing to every person he encountered with each hospital and doctor's visit. He was a beacon of light for his church family. He continued to care for those around him and to meet every need that he was capable of. He saw a bright future for himself. He made sure those he loved saw it too.

On July 1, 2009, he spent the day going in and out of consciousness. When he was alert, he spoke about what a beautiful family we were. He joked around with the grand kids. He repeatedly expressed his pride and joy in each of us. He smiled as long as he was physically able to do so. He questioned our sad countenance. He grasped hands and hearts with every ounce of love in his being. He made positively sure we knew how deeply he cared for each one of us.

Hours later, as each breath became a struggle so intense, I could bare to watch no longer, I heeded God's leading within my spirit and let my daddy go. I had encouraged him to fight for the past few months. Somehow, I now knew the fight was over. I leaned to his ear and spoke how proud I was of him. How he had been the best father a girl could ever have wished for. How he had fought a good fight. Most of all, how he WAS receiving the healing we had all so earnestly prayed for. I gave him my blessing on taking that healing and joining his Creator in the land of his reward. Hardest of all, I kissed him, and spoke the words "I love you, daddy" one last time.

Early in the morning on July 2, 2009, as I laid across my daddy's chest in his hospital bed, I literally felt him embark on his new journey. A strange peace overcame me as I became so intensely aware of his passing over. I knew in my heart that He was in the presence of our God.

Finally, those unseen things that My daddy had stayed focused on were in his line of vision! He had finished the race with flying colors! He was at the feet of Jesus and, without a doubt, in total awe of his new dwelling place! As the song says, "I can only imagine"!!!!!

I miss him terribly. Not a day goes by that I don't shed some tears. My heart is still broken. Maybe it always will be. I don't know. But, I do know that I have been blessed beyond measure with a wonderful family. I am going to live each day to it's fullest. I am going to enjoy my life and all God has given me stewardship over. I am going to follow my daddy's lead and invest in the lives of those around me every chance I get. And, above all, I hope to honor and please my God with every decision, every breath, and every move I make.

You know, losses only leave room for gain. Losses should never be counted or measured. Only faith. May your faith be multiplied. I know mine certainly has been.

Thank You God, for my Daddy's life. And, thank you Daddy, for showing me God in the most vivid ways possible.


Love and Blessings,
Starr

Snow Day

Frigid. Bright. Sunny. Mushy. This is today.

Lazy. Sleepy. Snug. Secure. Comfortable. This is today.

Entire family at home together. Unusual. This is today.

Missing my parents who are four hours away. This is today and this is tough.

Hungry. Bored. Burned out on television. This is today.

Breaking down to finally go play outside with my six year-old. This is hard on an old soul. This is today.

Refreshed. Glad to be alive. Vibrant in spirit. This is today.

This is good!

Here's hoping you the good comfy spot in your day.

Love and Blessings,
Starr

I'm Still Standing

Regardless of popular belief, I am still here. In spite of all I am facing right now.

I wanted to update you all so I won't risk loosing you altogether. I hope I'm not too late. Here goes...

We sold our home and have moved into a very small condo that my mother-in-law owns. We are living out of boxes and piled on top of each other, but thankful to have been blessed with a place to go.

Our new place of permanent residence is hanging in the balance as we await home inspections, appraisals, loan officers and underwriters to see things in a positive light and find favor with us.

Thanksgiving weekend, we took my dad to the emergency room because he was acting a little disoriented, sluggish and complaining of headaches The doctors dropped a bombshell and told us they suspected brain cancer. He was transported to Baptist Hospital (a wonderful healing place from which I now sit at a computer in the family resource room in order to catch you up) where he stayed for one week, was released and has now began radiation treatments. The cancer has spread to his lungs as well. They are currently treating only the brain because it is the most severe of the two and they are attempting to reduce the extreme swelling there. Next step will be to treat the lungs with radiation and chemo. We are expecting a miracle and hope you will join us in that prayer.

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know we have witnessed some totally miraculous healing miracles this year, so I'm sure God can give us one more and heal my daddy. I am not ready to lose him just yet. He is only 65 years old and has lots of love and life and a positive attitude to share with the world. His name is Gary Clodfelter. Mention him as you pray every day if you find it in your heart to do so.

In addition to this, I got a severe case of bronchitis, my little one got a bad cold and a stomach bug, my oldest is struggling with anxiety, my sister has been sick with a severe cold and an infected tooth, my husband is stressing over our family struggles, my mom is just trying to stand on God's promises (as we all are), I had to find a new home for our family dogs whom we loved deeply and have had for many years because we have no place for them with us right now, and to top it all off, my 6 year old's hermit crab died.

Well, now that I have thoroughly depressed you, I want to tell you to smile! I am still smiling. I am still hoping and waiting for God to do His work in this storm of life because I am holding on to Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11. I know he will work it all out for our good and we will come through as stronger and more effective witnesses for His glory.

The Bible tells us to stand firm and see God's deliverance. Not to be afraid and not to be discouraged. He is with us wherever we go. (2 Chronicles 20:17)

I AM standing! I am strong in Him! But, in all honesty, I am leaning slightly. Though, I WILL NOT Fall because my Savior is behind me all the way and will support me with His strength when I am at my weakest. I wait expectantly to see what He has for me in the future and am excited at the possibilities that are ahead of me and my family. Good things are on the horizon!! I can see the flicker of the sun in the distance! Do you see it?

Stand strong with me and lift up your prayers on our behalf. We are traveling daily to the hospital for daddy's treatments and are running on fumes from our exhaustion. Even though I am so very tired, I am enjoying the time with my parents every day. I woudln't trade that for the world. I am praying for all of you as well and will try to keep you posted as I am able. I currently have no internet access except for at this hospital. Praise God they offer it here. Just another small blessing in the midst of the storm.

And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ,after you have suffered for a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be the power forever and ever! (1 Peter 5:10-11)

Have a wonderfully blessed Christmas.

I love you all dearly!
Starr

This and That

Well, I certainly have been missing ya!! I hope the feeling is mutual. Life has been full lately; In a great way!.

By the way, I haven't forgotten about my series on "The Simple Life". Ironically, I have been so entertained with living it, that I haven't been posting my thoughts on it!! But, I WILL. I Promise!!

Funny story I want to share. It really has no meaning, but it is humorous.

We have an on-going joke in our family that I am my mom's favorite and my sister, Melanie, is my dad's favorite. (At least I am assuming it is a joke! LOL!)

Anyway, My mom sent out an email survey the other day asking what one thing did we think she would take with her if she were stranded on a deserted island.

My sister answered by saying, "Well, if you were stranded with me, you would bring Starr. If you were stranded with Starr, you wouldn't need anything else!"

We all got a big kick out of that!

Actually, my mom said she would bring my dad because he would probably be able to figure out how to build a boat out of "island junk" and they would be able to get back home in no time!

I am betting when they returned fromn that lonely island, she would head straight for my house! You know, since I'm her favorite and all.

My dad would call my sister first thing for sure!

Enough of that!

Speaking of children...............

I am really enjoying homeschooling Austin, my six-year old. We are doing all kinds of fun learning activities and he is taking a science class and a little class at the library. We are just having a blast! I am so thankful that God has allowed me the opportunity to do this with my children. I feel so blessed. I wouldn't trade it for anything!!

Love on your kids all you can. Too soon they will be grown and gone. My 18 year old, Chase, has shown me that. It's weird when you look at your first born and see a man.

Seeing a godly man is a definite confirmation that devoting your life to them as they are growing certainly pays high dividends.

I thank God for the wonderful family I grew up in and can see that all their love and hard work raising Melanie and I gave us both very fruitful lives. We are now reaping the same benefits with our own children. A blessing come full circle.

One more thing, On my calendar today it says this:

Behind the face of every person we can see the face of Jesus, and hear Him say, "I died for this person."

What a thought to carry with you! Think on that today as you look into the eyes of those around you; Favorites or not. (ha ha!)

Keep it Simple!
Love and Blessings,
Starr

Celebrating A Life

I have been asked again to do something that I have done many times before, but it never gets accomplished without tears and trembling. I must say it is one of the most difficult challenges ever. It is:


Singing at the funeral of a loved one.


Many times before, I have stood beside my sister, or my husband, or my brother-in-law and struggled to belt out a touching tune for those hurting onlookers in the pews. I always attempt to stare out above their faces. If I look at their expressions, I begin to loose control. I tend to be an overly-emotional person anyway. This particular circumstance just pushes me over the edge.



As I have mentioned so many times before in previous posts, our family is very close. We are tight-knit and loosing one of us is almost unbearable.



This past weekend, as we were heading down the road from Tybee Island after a relaxing day on the beach, I received one of those phone calls that you never want to get.



"I have some bad news", my sister said from the other end of the line.


My heart sank imediately as I feared what she would say next.


It seems that my cousin David's father-in-law had suddenly passed away about thirty minutes earlier. He had been enjoying a nice meal at McDonald's with his wife, Vera, and, Haylie, a precious little girl they keep, when he just collapsed and fell from the booth where they were sitting together.


He never regained consciousness.


I couldn't believe what my sister was telling me. It just didn't seem real.


I began to think of all the special times we had shared together at the beach, family gatherings, Christmas, and backyard bonfires. How could he be gone all of a sudden? It was unfathomable.


I remembered the last time I had seen Bill a couple weeks earlier. I had been with my cousin, Timmy, and his new baby girl, Marissa, trying to help out when Marissa's mother was in the hospital. Bill was sitting at the dining room table while we were all in the living room. As I walked through the dining room to get a bottle ready for Marissa, Bill had said, "I just can't take all the noise. I need to be in here a while where it is quiet."


I laughed and said, "You know how we are around here! Never a quiet minute!!"


He laughed too. He knew I was right.



Later, I rummaged around the room where Bill was sitting trying to find the cat litter. I was going to help out Timmy by changing it for him. One less chore for him, I figured, since he was traveling back and forth from the hospital so much. Bill got up from his seat and helped me search. We laughed again when we finally found it right beside where he had been sitting. If it would have been a snake, it would have bitten us!

I remember that Bill loved to get out in the ocean. Sometimes I would sit and watch him from the shore, a little afraid at how far out he was floating. But, I knew he was enjoying it so much. You could just tell by watching him. He had no fear at all. He seemed perfectly peaceful as he flowed, enveloped by the waves of the sea. He rode along smoothly with each and every rise and fall.



Tomorrow as I stand beside my dear sister once again and sing the words to "Beulah Land", I will look above the faces of those I love so much and think of Bill, sitting at the dining room table in the quiet. I will picture him at peace, riding the waves away from all the noise and standing in the presence of our Lord and Savior. He is now flowing along in the midst of a love like we have never known before. In a way, I envy him.


I'm sure he will have expressions of joy spread over his sweet face as he listens to us sing. Maybe he won't even notice my whimpers as I try to hold back the tears.


We love you, Bill. We will miss you. And, we look forward to the day when we can celebrate being together with you in eternity.
Bill and Vera





I'm kind of homesick for a country


To which I've never been before.


No sad goodbyes will there be spoken


For time won't matter anymore.





Beulah Land, I'm longing for you.


And some day, on thee I'll stand.


There my home will be eternal.


Beulah Land, Sweet Beulah Land.





I'm looking out across the river


Where my faith will end in sight.


There's just a few more days to labor,


Then I will take my heavenly flight.





Beulah Land, I'm longing for you.


And, some day, on thee I'll stand.


There my home will be eternal.


Beulah Land, sweet Beulah Land.


No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. ( 1 Corinthians 2:9)


I ask that you pray for my sister, Melanie, and I as we sing tomorrow at 2:00 EST. Lift up Vera (Bill's wife), Their daughter Pam and her husband David, their sons, Jason and Mark, and their grandchildren. And all other members of the family as we celebrate the wonderful life of a good man and the blessed privilege we had of him gracing our lives with his presence.


Love and Blessings,


Starr